Are you and a friend, coworker, family member, or romantic partner having arguments more often than usual?
Grudges are feelings of anger and resentment that won’t fade over time. And when you hang onto your feelings that others have hurt or wronged you, you remain trapped in the past.
But when you forget the past and forgive others, you can move forward with your relationship instead of being trapped in this downward cycle.
If you think you’re holding a grudge so you can’t move on with certain people, continue reading. We’ll go into signs for you.
You Lost Your Cool Over Something Unrelated
One sign you are holding a grudge is if you lost your cool over something completely unrelated to the issue at hand. You may have seemed to overreact to something that could have been minor or trivial in comparison to the actual grudge.
Perhaps you snapped at a colleague over their choice of lunch instead of voicing your feelings related to the source of your unresolved anger. This could be a sign that your negative emotions have spilled over into unrelated areas of your life.
Alternatively, you may freeze out a friend when they try to talk about the thing that appears to have caused you upset. Holding a grudge can be a significant burden, and recognizing that you have not let go completely can be a helpful realization.
You’re Avoiding Them
If you’re avoiding someone, it’s likely that you’re holding a grudge. Some signs that you’re holding a grudge against someone are that you avoid talking to them, or when you do communicate with them, it’s done in a negative way.
You may also find yourself talking bad about them to others; this isn’t healthy for either party and can hurt relationships. Additionally, you’re constantly questioning their motives and tend to bring up past issues in day-to-day conversations.
You may also reject any suggestion or idea they may have in a subtle way that could be hurtful to them. It’s important to acknowledge when you’re holding a grudge and work on forgiving and moving on.
You Still Feel Bitter
Holding a grudge can lead to a number of signs that indicate you are still feeling bitter. You may find yourself having difficulty forgiving someone, even when they have apologized or when you know they are trying to make it right.
Perhaps you have a difficult time when the person is around and find yourself avoiding them. Or you even might be unable to forget a situation or conversation, and you still find yourself feeling angry.
Furthermore, when the person talks, you may feel the need to defend yourself or argue with them in order to ‘win’ the discussion. You may bring up situations from the past that are unrelated to the current discussion and start attacking the other person.
These are all signs that you are holding a grudge, and it’s best to find some sort of closure in order to move on and gain some peace in your life.
When You Think About Them, Your Feelings Are Negative
If you find yourself consistently thinking about someone in a negative way and having strong, negative emotions when you do, chances are you are holding a grudge against them.
When our relationships with someone have gone wrong, sometimes our mind is not able to let go of the grievance, and we continue to dwell on it.
If your thoughts about them are usually negative, and you feel an immediate burst of anger or resentment when their name or memory is mentioned, then it is likely that you are holding a grudge.
Even if a significant amount of time has passed, if you still have bad feelings toward them, then grudge holding may be the reason why. Make sure to confront these feelings before they get out of hand and cause more long-term damage.
You’re All About Fairness or Want to Make Sure That They See Your Side of Things
If you’re all about fairness or want to make sure that they see your side of things, it can be a sign that you’re holding a grudge. This is because when someone wrongs you, and you don’t forgive and let go, you tend to obsess about the unfairness of the situation.
When you’re trying to make sure that they realize how wrong you are, that’s a sign of grudge-holding. Additionally, if you’re hypersensitive to any perceived slights, real or not, that’s another indication that you’re still harboring resentment.
Holding a grudge isn’t beneficial to anyone, so it’s important to release it. Talk it out with a friend or family member, practice forgiveness, and let that grudge go.
You Feel Nothing
If you’re holding a grudge and you have no feelings at all, there are signs that you may be holding on to something unhealthy. You may appear to be completely detached, not showing any emotion even when it should be appropriate or expected.
You may have difficulty remembering the events surrounding the situation and may even deny any wrongdoing on your part. There may be an attitude of indifference and a sense of detachment towards the other involved person.
Your relationships with other people may suffer as you become irritable and have difficulty trusting others. This may manifest as being overly critical or making comments with a negative connotation.
It’s Easy for You to Get Irritated With Them
If you find that it is easy for you to get irritated with someone, it could be a sign that you are holding a grudge. Maybe you made an effort to forgive them, but bitterness still lingers.
When they do something that triggers your anger, you instinctively feel more hostile toward them. You might also avoid them, struggle to even make eye contact, or maintain a conversation with them around others.
Rather than talking things out calmly, you become increasingly agitated when discussing issues. You also might make jokes to poke fun at them, even if it’s not always appropriate. If you find your behavior has been changing in these ways, it might be time for perspective shifting with radical forgiveness.
Discover the Signs of Holding a Grudge
Overall, focusing on allowing your emotions to run their course in a healthy manner is essential to healthy relationships. With awareness and openness, you can recognize the tendencies of holding a grudge and take steps to let go of resentment.
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